I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
