i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
