i just made my gag reflex go away.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
