Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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