sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Randomize
