I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
