also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You may now shotgun with the bride
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
