I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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