Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
God, I missed his penis.
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