it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
