I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
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i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
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The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
its liver damage thursday
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