I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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