So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
