The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize