just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Omg I joined a choir last night...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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