There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
