Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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