Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I am naked and annoyed.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
