considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Randomize