i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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