So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Randomize
