I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
My penis needs a shock collar
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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