it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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