Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
