If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
