Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
