At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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