If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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