Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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