Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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