how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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