I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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