I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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