This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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