Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
