She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
