i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
