my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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