i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
