I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Randomize
