I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
