So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
PS: I just woke up from my shower
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
