I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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