NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
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Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
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You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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