Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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