first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
