You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
