Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
