My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Nobody cheats on THIS.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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