every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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