chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
