So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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