sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
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I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
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I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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