She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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