Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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