I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
My balls are so social today.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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