Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
