I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
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