you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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