oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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