Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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