That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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