Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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