STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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