Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
