A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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