hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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