That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
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