Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
