DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
