i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I could fuck to npr.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
