This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
