but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Randomize
