my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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