Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
