I heard we made out
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
